Best Friends staffer Mary Smith wouldn’t have told you this herself, but she’s been spreading a lot of kindness these past three months or so. It all started when Mary was talking over the phone with friend and regular Best Friends volunteer Jeanne Modesitt. Mary had another friend who recently lost a pet and she was beside herself wanting to give some small form of comfort or help. “What can I do?” Mary asked. “Buy a memorial gift or send a card?” She felt so helpless in the face of her friend’s grief. Then Jeanne made a suggestion that made everything seem brighter.

“Why not volunteer at an animal area in memory of the animal that passed on?” Jeanne offered. And with that single suggestion, Mary was transformed from feeling helpless to feeling inspired. She knew there was nothing she could do to bring back her friend’s beloved pet, but this was a way to pay honor to the pet’s memory. To spread some love where it’s needed and to help those still here waiting for an ear scratch or two.

For three months, Mary has done this anonymously, without even telling the friends for whose pets she was volunteering. Eventually, though, she made the mistake (not really!) of mentioning it to a Best Friends supervisor. Doing so blew the lid off the pot, turns out. But that’s a good thing. Mary realized that the idea that Jeanne had given her might help others, too. (Even so, Mary intends to keep her efforts pretty quiet.)

Mary calls this process Grief Relief. She says it helps her feel like she’s doing something worthwhile. She also feels that the animals she honors smile at the volunteer work.

So there you have it. Losing a pet of your own, or even seeing a friend lose a companion animal, can be devastating. But if that feeling of helplessness sneaks in, why not volunteer to work with some animals in honor and memory of the one that moved on? It might be just the lift you need, and the animals who still need homes sure won’t mind the extra company.

Story by David Dickson
Photos by Molly Wald

October 19, 2007 : 4:05 AM ET
posted by: caraga333

After my darling lab/dachshund Matilda died, I was extremely devastated. A few things helped me get through this trying time. One was having about 30 friends and family send me cards, letters, emails, phone calls. The other was having my cat Mamacita; she became great company. Mamacita really loved Matilda, but she actually became a whole another cat after Matilda's death. Mamacita never let me pet her, but about 2 months to the day after Matilda's death, she came on the couch next to me, and now does it about 4-5 times a day! The third thing that really helped me through Matilda's death was volunteering at a mission that treats low-income and/or homeless people's pets, two times a month. It was awesome seeing the resilent spirit of some of these individuals and their pets:-). Thanks for letting me share!

September 9, 2007 : 10:47 AM ET
posted by: cwpraisinJC

Thank you for being an inspiration to me this morning! My family and I had to put down our 10 year old Rottie on Aug 30 and we are grieving still so much. To make matters worse, I work at the vet's office and I have to be around that every single day... How would I go about helping others as well? I have to do something to help other people who are grieving. Thank you for all you do and God bless you and yours! Cindy

August 25, 2007 : 11:28 PM ET
posted by: susanf

Mary you are an amazing woman. What a wonderful way to both honor those who have crossed and enrich the lives of those in need of companionship. Thank you for giving your time and love to these lucky dogs.

August 22, 2007 : 3:26 PM ET
posted by: cathy corbin

A heartwarming story indeed. Thank you Mary, for honoring your friend's doggie in this way. Hopefully this story will inspire others to do the same. Thank you to Jeanne as well.

August 21, 2007 : 4:22 PM ET
posted by: alkruk

I love this story, and the idea of adding joy to the lives of the living in honor of those who went before us. I was inspired by the passing of my beloved Elton, to volunteer with the Rainbows Bridge. I write sympathy cards to the caretakers who have a memorial site for their dearly departed - it helps remind me of the special nature of our bond, the eternal nature of our relationships, and I almost always get a "thank you" in return. That is a bonus, but serves as a great way of knowing that somehow, I am helping those who are grieving.

August 20, 2007 : 9:31 PM ET
posted by: erinbergstrom

My "Best Friend" and companion of 13 years passed August 24th, 2005. He was a gorgeous tri colored Australian Shepard named Schooner. He was smarter than most people I know and had a personality that wouldn't quit. I was grief sticken over losing him. I decided to go to Tylertown to volunteer after Katrina to help the animals who had survived. I thought I went to help care and comfort them. In truth I was the one who received healing through the experience. The animals and people I met during my stay are still so dear to me. It was an experience of a lifetime. I honored Schooner by helping other animals. I am a 9 year volunteer with a rescue organization and continue to foster and advocate for those without a voice. I adopted a new dog named Poppy. She was a homeless persons dog who was trying to sell her at a grocery store. My other dog Luna and I couldn't resist her. She is a wonderful addition to our happy animal family. My Grief relief comes from knowing that even though Schooner may not be physically here, he will always be with me. That will never change.

August 20, 2007 : 11:16 AM ET
posted by: jkrogh

What a great idea, thank you for sharing, I will be using that idea!!

August 20, 2007 : 10:15 AM ET
posted by: venice05

After my beloved blind dachshund Heinrich passed away, I did several things to honor him, including making provisions in my will to create a scholarship in his name at a prominent Veterinary college; walking each year in his memory to raise money for a local shelter; and making donations to an organization which provides grants for veterinary care. But the most important and rewarding thing I did was to adopt a 14-year-old blind mini dachshund from rescue. I would urge everyone who has lost a beloved pet, as soon as they are ready to share their lives with an animal again, to adopt their new best friend from a shelter or rescue group. You are not "replacing" your old friend, but finding a new place for all that love to go.

August 19, 2007 : 10:22 AM ET
posted by: punky0617

In 2000 I befriended a stray cat in my neighborhood. At first I couldn't get close to him but I could see him play by himself from inside my home. Over time and with some tasty food I got to pet him and hold him and spend time with him outside. He was such a sweet playful kitty always waiting for me in the morning before I left for work and waiting for me when I came home in the evening. Unfortunately one weekend he had crossed the busy street in front of my house and heard the squeaky screen door opening when I came out of the house. He wanted to get to me and spend time with me so he ran across the street without looking. I saw him hit and killed in front of my eyes. The driver of the car never slowed down or stopped. I was devastated for a long long time but eventually I became involved in rescue. Every animal I have helped has been in his honor and I plan to help animals for a long time to come.

Rest in peace Punky 6/17/01.

August 18, 2007 : 10:32 PM ET
posted by: lynnt

What a beautiful and uplifting story this is. Mary and Martha both look so very happy. What an awesome idea Grief Relief is. This is truly inspirational.

August 18, 2007 : 5:48 PM ET
posted by: kittychump

Beautifully put. This article helps me with some of my own healing - longterm missing of past pets who had sad passings. Thank you BF and friends for stating this so clearly and so lovingly. I am sure this article will encourage more folks to choose this healing way.... Blessings & prayers to one & all.

August 18, 2007 : 5:41 PM ET
posted by: katmac

I think this is a wonderful way to honor the memory of a friend's pet. I'm so glad Mary allowed her story to be told.

August 18, 2007 : 11:10 AM ET
posted by: mpeaches

Mary - you are such a lovely human being, and your compassion knows no bounds. Martha could not look happier with you, and vice versa! What a great idea, the Grief Relief - it's such a positive thing to do, and much more lasting than flowers.......

August 18, 2007 : 10:59 AM ET
posted by: cattees

What a terrific idea! BRAVO!

August 18, 2007 : 10:27 AM ET
posted by: marys

Yes, this is sweet Martha! Love and thanks right back at you, Jeanne and Robin!

August 17, 2007 : 8:26 PM ET
posted by: pawsitive

What a great way to honor the memory of a friend's pet! This is a very uplifting story and brings warmth to my heart. Thank you.